For the Dopest Wine Taster’s first Hour Challenge installment last October we picked up this 2012 Red Blend (20% Malbec and 80% Tempranillo) at our local Co-Op for a premo 7.99
The label claims one should never drink it alone, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’ll write my review as I drink one bottle in one hour. I have eaten a salad to offset negative health impacts. Fern, my trusty and sober sidekick, will join to keep my record honest and to administer the tests.
- Speed – Racoon, keep clever – Able to outrun heavy doughnut eaters.
- Resilency – Prime, almost there – The finish line shimmers in the distance as the table is beginning to remind you more and more of a giant down pillow.
First Taste. 7:30 P.M.
Smooth spice on tip of tongue with a hint of bright pine in the back of the nose. Overall, smooth and fruity with a light grip that takes two seconds to hit. Fruit profile bounces between raspberries and cherry. Earthy undertone of pepper that smooths out toward the end of the first glass. (Thanks to our trusty flavor blanket, alcohol)
Halfway. 8:02 P.M.
Cruising like Lance Armstrong into his seventh tour win (who cares if he had a little kick in his trailmix, he had one fucking testicle!). Still feel spiciness in the back of my throat. Sitting cross legged makes my stomach engaged and less upset.
- Fern’s observations: He’s giggling for some reason about Lance Armstrong and emitting an odor from food, wine and lentil snacks. Not sure what that means but it seems like a good idea to him.
Finish. 8:29 P.M.
An almost unnoticeable slight burn at the point where entering stomach. Acid build up. Slight inhibition in relation to rambling. Interrupting frequently. Passionate about social issues. Fern is sending me on this vortex tour of modern culture and it couldn’t be more perfect. Constant burping, might be swaying slightly, definitely feel alcohol heavily. Haven’t sat up, drunk as damn euphoric, wine tastes good, smile definitely and talkative and awake rocking back and forth with roll on sentences and forgetting to breathe. Over explaining which isn’t unusual. This crappy music is influencing my shoulders to dance. 2 Copas could be used as personal bar music enhancement device.
- Fern’s observations: At 3/4 of bottle, cringes after glass. Spraying food on himself. Very acidic. Cussing and a bit more slurring of words. He is typing and spelling everything wrong, and is passionate about rap artists controversy. Excited and feels like everything is fitting for the moment. Distracted while looking at video I played, he looks and kept typing and now is just watching again.
Pre-Run Procrastination Ramble. 8:45 P.M.
I need water. Wine only hits back of throat and on the way down sits heavy and makes me nauseas. I don’t know who decided this was a good idea.
Sober .3 Mile Dash – 2min 1sec.
Drunk .3 Mile Dash – 2min 45sec
- Fern’s Observations: He was swerving during the run and is now bent over winded and i’m afraid he might throw up. Nope, he’s good, but can’t manage to say anything other than, ‘why the fuck did I come up with this idea’ in between wheezing. He looks like a skinny red Smurf.
Chick-Flick instalment – When Harry Met Sally
Stayed awake ~ 1:56:00
- Fern’s Observations: He’ll deny that he wants to rewatch the end tomorrow.